The Five Stages of Grief
Some wounds take time to heal and some scars never fade. Grief is something everyone goes through. Grief and mourning are universal; they are the natural response to Death, the end of a relationship, and losing someone; human or animal. There are five stages of Grief as which were first put forward by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying”. In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working on each stage and express each stage with different levels of intensity. These stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order, we often move between stages bouncing from one stage to another searching and yearning for the final stage – Acceptance.
“When you experience loss, people say you’ll move through the 5 stages of grief….
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. What they don’t tell you is that you’ll cycle through them all every day.”
― Ranata Suzuki
Five Stages Of Grief:
Different people experience the same emotion differently, similarly, stages of grief are different for different people, and many people do not experience the stages in the same order as listed below. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, but to understand the depth of grief, to understand and put into context where you stand.
All people grieve differently. Some people wear their emotions on their sleeve and are outwardly emotional, while others will experience their (stages of grief) grief on a more internal level, they may not cry or if they do shed tears it can be when they are alone. One should try and not judge, how a person experiences their grief (stages of grief), as each person will experience it differently and react differently.
The first reaction to learning the death or terminal illness of a cherished one, in most cases is to deny the merest possibility of such a happening. This is a normal reaction, a defence mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We try to block out the words, and hide from the facts, in hopes that it’ll all blow over, we convince ourselves that it is just a bad dream, we will wake up soon and this nightmare would be over. At this stage, the world becomes insignificant and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on if we can go on, and why we should go on. Eventually, you start accepting and as you accept the reality of the loss, you start to ask yourself questions, which unknowingly kick start, the healing process. Slowly and steadily you are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface.
As the masking effects of denial begin to fade, the pain re-emerges rendering you incapable of working, of breathing and then comes the anger. The second stage anger is your attempt to deflect the hurt and the pain. In your anger, you are ready to blame anyone and anything for what you’re going through, from The God who didn’t do anything, to the person who died leaving you alone, everyone gets the blame. Rationally, we do know that the person is not to be blamed, but emotionally we still resent them for leaving us behind to cope with the pain. We feel at fault for being angry, and this makes us even angrier.
Then comes the third stage, where we try to regain control over the helpless situation by thinking up scenarios like –
We try bargaining and making deals with all the powers of the universe, to return our loved one and when that doesn’t work we beg for just one last chance to say goodbye.
After bargaining, our attention moves straight into the present. Empty feelings present themselves once again, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. We get depressed, stoic or always crying drowning in our pain. The depression feels as though it will last forever as if you’ll never be happy again. It’s very important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness rather it is the appropriate response to a great loss.
We withdraw from life; left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, why go on at all?
Depression after a loss is often seen as unnatural: as something to be fixed something to snap out of. When you lose someone, the realization that your loved one is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.
Acceptance is often confused with everything being ‘Alright’ or ‘Ok’ with what has happened, this is rarely the case. Loss of a loved one is not something you get over years may pass or even lifetimes without you accepting the loss was just or that it was meant to happen. Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone.
Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal experience – nobody can help you get over it or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But you can seek help from your family and friends in coping with your loss. The best thing anyone can do is to allow themselves to feel the grief as it comes over them, resisting it only prolongs the natural process of healing. Try to remember that Death is something we’re all going to face someday, but you already know this and knowing this doesn’t make what you’re going through any easier and that’s fine. Grieve for as long as you want, it is a part of letting go. Even though your loved one isn’t here with you physically, you will always have them in your heart.
“Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: Why can’t you see who I truly am?”
― Shannon L. Alder
Hope these five stages of grief will help you out and do share.
(The Five Stages of Grief) – Moohita Kaur Garg.
“Words in my not so humble opinion, are most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it” ― Dumbledore
I solemnly swear that I believe every word of the above-given quote…
Hi, my name is Moohita Kaur Garg, I reside in The City Beautiful-Chandigarh. As you might have already guessed, I am a huge and I mean HUGE fan of everything Harry Potter, so much so that one of my friends calls me Harry Potter. I am a student of Journalism; I completed my graduation in Journalism from Chitkara University, Rajpura and am in the process of completing a Post Graduate degree in the same field.
If you want to know me further, you can hit me up at my following social media accounts. Ciao.